What can parents do to prevent and address bullying?

School staff play an important role in preventing and addressing bullying, but they can’t do it alone. Research shows that children usually tell parents or siblings about being bullied before they tell adults at school, so parents and families also have a role to play.

Although bullying doesn’t generally happen in front of parents, they may be the first person to become aware of a bullying problem. Therefore, they must be an integral part of bullying prevention efforts. The more parents are involved and aware of prevention efforts from the beginning, the easier it will be if they need to be contacted about a problem later. Parents can support school efforts by:

• Attending workshops to learn about bullying and the school’s prevention efforts
• Talking with their child about bullying and model expected behaviors
• Communicating with the school to share concerns
• Avoiding suggestions like ignore the bullying or fight back in retaliation
  (Neither work and may cause additional stress and anxiety for the child being bullied. Advice to ignore sends a message that the bullying must be tolerated. Fighting back will likely get the child in trouble and may even empower the student who is bullying with the perception that they have the power to control someone else’s behavior.)

Parents should talk with their child about any type of behavioral or emotional change. Ask questions about the child’s friends. Ask what nicknames friends call each other. Ask who sits together at lunch. Ask who the child talks with during free time. They also need to be aware of warning signs that a child is being bullied, bullying others, or observing bullying. None of these warning signs mean that bullying is happening, but they are certainly worth looking into and things a parent may want to talk with the school about.

Warning Signs that a Child is Being Bullied

• Changes in daily routines - appetite, difficulty sleeping, not wanting to go to school
• Decline in grades or academic performance
• Unexplained physical signs - scratches, cuts, bruises, damaged clothing
• Lost or damaged property
• Loss of friend or avoidance of social situations
• Shift in technology usage – hiding screens, changing accounts, more or less time online
• Decreased self-esteem
• Self-destructive behaviors

Warning Signs that a Child is Bullying Others

• Frequent fights
• Friends who bully others
• Increased aggressiveness
• Unexplained money or new belongings
• Blaming others for their problems
• Frequent detentions or visits to the principal’s office

Warning Signs that a Child is Witnessing Bullying

• Not attending group hangouts
• Avoiding a person or group of people
• Feeling anxious about attending school
• Hiding or refusing to discuss online activity

If their child reports bullying, the parent should notify a teacher, counselor, or administrator at the school. The school cannot help if they are not aware of the problem. The parent should also help their child process the situation. Begin by assuring the child that the bullying is not their fault and that they did the right thing by telling them. Demonstrate empathy while avoiding rescuing. Find out what happened, document it, and discuss what would help the child feel safe. Work with the school to develop a safety plan for the child and monitor implementation of the plan.